Co-Regulation in Behavioral Health: Building Emotional Bridges with Students Who Have Emotional Disabilities
- Charles Mathison
- Aug 10
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 13
In behavioral health—especially when working with students with emotional disabilities—co-regulation is the process where an adult helps a student manage their emotions, behaviors, and physiological state by sharing and modeling calm regulation in the moment.
Unlike simply telling a student to “calm down,” co-regulation is an active, shared experience. It relies on the adult’s ability to remain steady and composed, allowing the student to “borrow” that stability until they are able to self-regulate.
Core Principles of Co-Regulation
Emotional Presence – Maintaining a calm, grounded emotional state, even if the student is escalated.
Non-Threatening Support – Using tone, body language, and proximity to convey safety rather than confrontation.
Modeling Regulation Skills – Demonstrating deep breathing, calm speech, and deliberate movement so students see and feel what regulation looks like.
Responsive Connection – Adjusting support based on the student’s verbal and non-verbal cues.
Gradual Release to Self-Regulation – Supporting students until they can independently use the strategies you model.
Why Co-Regulation Matters for Students with Emotional Disabilities
Trauma and Trust – Many students have experienced trauma, sometimes in school settings. A calm, consistent adult presence can rebuild trust over time.
Skill Development – Students may lack strong internal regulation skills; co-regulation fills this gap while teaching them what regulation feels like.
Mind-Body Impact – Emotional dysregulation often comes with physical changes like rapid heart rate and tense muscles. Your calm state can influence their nervous system through social engagement and mirror neurons.
Case Study: “Nick”
Nick was a student with significant trauma history, some of which was tied directly to a school experience. During one incident at a previous school, after being sent home for misbehavior, his father—angry and frustrated—dragged him down the school steps. Nick’s head hit hard during the incident, leaving both physical and deep emotional scars.
When Nick entered my classroom, he was openly hostile toward me but not toward female staff. Over time, I realized he associated me—another male adult—with his father, and seeing me triggered memories of the traumatic event. This unspoken connection made it extremely difficult for him to engage with me in any positive way.
During the first two months, I worked to co-regulate with him—keeping my tone even, not forcing interactions, and letting my teacher assistant take the lead in direct instruction when necessary. However, one day I gave him a direct instruction to “stop horsing around,” and that phrase became a trigger. From that day forward, he refused to speak to me for two months.
I didn’t escalate or push the issue. Instead, I modeled calm patience, gave him space, and avoided power struggles. Once I learned the full story from other staff, I arranged an intervention with the principal and assistant principal to tell Nick directly: “I’m here for you 100%. I would never harm you.”
From that point forward, I approached every interaction with intentionality. In the mornings—his most difficult transition time from the residential unit to the classroom—I would quietly check in with him, ask how he was feeling, and invite him to join our daily affirmations. Even when he declined, I still modeled calm breathing and positive statements alongside the other students. I used “please” in every request, spoke privately when addressing concerns, and maintained a steady, calm demeanor no matter what he said.
Gradually, the changes were remarkable. Nick went from a student who avoided me entirely to becoming one of the hardest-working students in my class. Our relationship was never overly warm or casual, but he knew I cared—because I showed him consistently through my actions, not just my words.
Practical Tips for Using Co-Regulation
Check Your State First – You can’t help regulate a student if you’re escalated yourself.
Use Nonverbal Calming Cues – Slow your breathing, relax your shoulders, and keep your voice low.
Avoid Power Struggles – Give space and allow the student to re-engage when ready.
Model, Don’t Lecture – Show regulation rather than explaining it in the heat of the moment.
Build Rituals of Calm – Morning check-ins, affirmations, or breathing exercises set the tone for the day.
Co-regulation is about sharing your regulated state so they can learn to self-regulate over time. For students with emotional disabilities and histories of trauma, this consistent modeling is not just a strategy—it’s a lifeline.
A professional development worksheet based on this article can be downloaded here
Bibliography Harvard Health Publishing. (2024, April 3). Co-regulation: Helping children and teens navigate big emotions. Harvard Medical School. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/co-regulation-helping-children-and-teens-navigate-big-emotions-202404033030
Child Mind Institute. (2025, February 25). What is co-regulation? Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/what-is-co-regulation/
Crandall, A., & Brody, G. H. (2022). Conceptualizing emotion regulation and coregulation as adaptive systems. Developmental Review, 64, 100994. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8801237/
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